Where do I go from here?
by AnneMarie Snape
Summary: On Hiatus- If you want to take over the story, let me know...Snape saves Harry from his abusive home the summer after his 5th year. Snape will not immediately change all of his views on Harry, but eventually they will. Snap adopts Harry fic. Scenes of c
1. Home

Disclaimer- I don't own anything if there is a new character, well than I own them. Otherwise I am poor and please don't sue me.  
  
Harry knew as soon as he got into his uncle's car that this was going to be a bad summer. Vernon's purple face at being threatened by a bunch of "freaks" was just the beginning of his anger. Albus Dumbledore in his infinite wisdom saw fit to write to Harry's guardians to notify them of his godfather's untimely death. No doubt he thought that this would help Harry. But unfortunately, Harry did not have loving relatives, instead they planned on useing this information to torment Harry.  
  
"So, I hear you got that freak Godfather of yours killed this year." Vernon remarked as they got into the car at King's Cross station.  
  
Harry just paled at the fact that they knew. He did not respond to any of the taunting on the ride home. He felt that this is what he deserved for getting his Godfather killed. As soon as they reached Privet drive Harry put on an emotionless mask and got out of the car. As soon as he stepped into the house his uncle turned on him.  
  
"Here are the rules for this summer, You will be writing what I tell you to write every three days and I will be proofreading all of your letters. You will do as you are told or else the old punishments will be brought back. Friends or no, you are living in my house and under my rules." Vernon seemed to grow in size as his speech went on.  
  
Vernon grabbed Harry's trunk and drug it outside. He then came back to a shocked Harry, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and threw him into the cupboard. Harry just sat there scrunched up, knees to his chest rocking back and forth.  
  
"The walls are not moving in, the space is not getting smalled." He kept chanting under his breath.  
  
The summer kept getting worse and worse for poor Harry Potter. On top of the mountain of chores that he received he also had to deal with lack of food, and daily beatings from Vernon on Dudley.  
  
"I deserve this pain. I will not write to the order telling them that I can't even fight off muggles. What would the Daily Prophet say if it found out?" Harry kept berrating himself for the loss of his Godfather and would wake up nightly in a cold sweat from his dreams.  
  
On June 26th, Harry woke up from another nightmare screaming for Sirius.  
  
"THAT'S ENOUGH BOY!! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU WAKING US UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT THOSE FREAKS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT!"  
  
With that Harry was drug out of the cupboard and before getting the worst beating of his life he was forced to watch while his uncle killed poor Hedwig. He then went and cut off her head and after beating Harry to a pulp, he carved the word FREAK on his back.  
  
"You're never going back to that place, you are ours now and you will have no contact with them. Prepare for hell." With that Vernon threw Harry back into the cupboard. Harry hit his head on the underside of the stairs and lost consciousness.  
  
---meanwhile at Orders HQ---  
  
When the order hadn't heard from Harry in three days they became very worried.  
  
"It seems that Mrs. Figg has not seen Harry for the past week. It has only now come to my attention and I would like to send someone to check on Harry. I myself, would go, but the last time I talked to Harry gave me the impression that he might be slightly unwilling to talk to me." stated Albus Dumbledore.  
  
Headquarters was soon a barrage of voices all wanting to go check on Harry, except for one. Severus Snape sat with his lips curled in disgust. "Stupid boy, probably just forgot to write and is being pampered by that family of his. He lives like a prince and people are worried if he doesn't write?"  
  
Albus noticed the sneer on the Potion Masters face and the twinkle came back to his eye with a vengeance.  
  
"I believe that I have the perfect person for the job. Someone that will be impartial and will tell us if Mr. Potter is truly being mistreated or not. Severus, You will go and check on our Mr Potter. Do I need to stress the importance of stealth?" asked Dumbledore.  
  
"Of course not Albus, but I fail to see why it must be me that checks on your Golden Boy." Snape sneered.  
  
"I need someone that will that be biased in their opinions, and from what I have heard, I believe this may be an eye opener for you on how young Harry lives." Stated Dumbledore.  
  
"Very well Headmaster, if you insist, I will leave at once." With that Snape stood from the table and left robes billowing out after him.  
  
"I only fear we are not too late for Harry." thought Dumbledore.  
  
---meanwhile back on Privet Drive---  
  
Snape apparated to the edge of the wards and without an invisibility cloak he seemed to become invisible. In truth he merely blended into the shadows very, very well. He almost walked right by number 4. He proceeded to discreetly look into the living room window and saw a family of three muggles watching a television.  
  
"Where is that brat? I want to get out of here as soon as possible." Snape walked slowly up to the front door and knocked.  
  
A fat blond boy opened the door and asked, "What may I help you with sir?"  
  
"I am looking for Mr Harry Potter, might I enquire of his whereabouts?" Snape asked with a sneer on his lips.  
  
The boy looked horror struck for a moment before turning and yelling, "DAD, IT'S ONE OF THOSE FREAKS LOOKING FOR THE FREAK!" with that he slammed the door and you could hear the steps creaking from the weight of him running up the stairs.  
  
The door was reopened in a matter of seconds by an obese man. "There is no one here by the name of Harry Potter, you have the wrong house good day." with that he slammed the door in Snapes face again.  
  
Upon looking out of the house later it would appear that no one was around, but Severus Snape was biding his time. Finally he heard something that he could not believe and could not just sit around for.  
  
"So, you contacted those freak friends of your did you? How did you do it? With that freakishness of yours? I thought you couldn't do that outside of school. Well you are going to pay now!"  
  
Snape could hear something that sounded like a belt come down on flesh. He knew that sound all too well. It was a sound from his childhood. With that he stormed into the house to see a sight that was unimaginable. There was Harry Potter on the ground with Vernon Dursley towering over him with a belt in hand, but it was to ordinary belt. He had attached pieces of sharp metal and glass to the end of it. That was the least of their worries at the moment for if you were to look at Harry you would not even be able to recognize him because he was too beaten up. Snape quickly stunned Dursley and picked Potter up. Only then did he realize how malnourished the child was.  
  
He knew that Harry was in trouble, he could feel the fever that wracked his body. Running to the end of the apparition wards, he quickly apparated to the first place that came to mind, Snape Manor. 


	2. Saving Potter

Chapter 2- Saving Potter  
  
Snape apparated outside the wards of his house. He walked swiftly into the main hall and called for his house elf, "Weezy!"  
  
"Yes master? What can Weezy do for master?" Weezy asked.  
  
"Weezy I need you to go fetch Headmaster Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey. Bring them here immediately. Go, NOW!" Snape was almost frantic. His healing skills were adequate, but Harry needed more than adequate skills.  
  
Snape strode throughout the manor barely payiing attention to where he was walking. His feet took him to the rooms adjoining his. He was worried to put it lightly. He was not worried so much for Harry, but for the fact that he did not want the Golden boy to die on him. "If you die on me Potter, everyone will blame me, and I will not have that. You have to live."  
  
As he was laying Harry down, he noticed a substantial amount of blood on his hands. "What did they do to him?" Right after he laid him down, Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore walked into the room with Weezy behind them.  
  
Before any of them had a chance to say anything Snape barked out, "Weezy get all of my healing potion and salves." Weezy hurried off to comply.  
  
"Severus, what happened here?" asked Albus as Poppy started to check over her patient.  
  
"Take this conversation outside while I examine Mr Potter." Poppy directed.  
  
After they walked out of the room, Snape sighed and started to explain, "I went to his house like you told me to Albus, I asked for the whereabouts of Potter and they claimed that there was no one there by that name. His uncle was enraged and slammed the door in my face. I was waiting until they had all gone to bed but then I heard something that I could not allow go on. His uncle was berrating him for contacting us, even though he hadn't, and I could hear a sound that was all too familiar to me."  
  
"What was happening?" Dumbledore asked  
  
"He was beating Potter. With a belt that had sharp metal and glass embedded in it." Snape recounted quietly. "I hurried in, stunned his uncle and carried him away. I apparated with him to the first place that came to mind, and then had Weezy fetch you."  
  
"Thank you Severus, I had no idea this was going on, if I had, I would never have sent him back there. I have much to atone for with this young man, and I do not know how I will ever be able to do that." Albus said dejectedly.  
  
"Sir, you should not have anything to atone for. He is the arrogant brat that wrecked your whole office." Snape stated.  
  
"Ah Severus, after everything you have seen, do you still believe that Mr Potter is an arrogant brat?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"So maybe his uncle went a little overboard with his punishment, and I agree that no one deserves to be beaten to a bloody pulp, but that does not change the types of things he has done throughout the school year." Snape stated.  
  
Dumbledore was about to say more, but Poppy walked out of the bedroom at that time. "He is stable. He has had many wounds, they have been healed but there are some that I could not heal. I gave him a potion for the infection. He will live, although I do not know what the state of his mind will be."  
  
"What do you mean Poppy? What would be wrong with his mind?" asked Dumbledore worriedly.  
  
"Well to start out with, he has many cuts and bruises, a broken arm and femur. Many of his cuts were infected, and he has the word Freak carved into his back. There is something else, but I think it is something that he should tell you instead of me." Poppy said quietly. "He should be sleeping for the rest of the night, I am going to go back in and you can resume your conversation now."  
  
"What are we going to do with the boy now?" Snape asked. He was worried that he might get stuck with an emotionally distraught boy and he knew he just couldn't handle that.  
  
"Well I can think of one real option Severus, you will have to keep Harry here." Albus was barely though this sentence before Snape exploded.  
  
"KEEP HIM HERE?? Albus there is no way that I can keep him here, there is a reason that I never became a father. I can barely deal with children in school, I can not help an emotionally distraught boy. And what would happen when I was called?" Severus was almost frantic. When Dumbledore had an idea, there was almost no stopping him and he had that maddening twinkle in his eye.  
  
Dumbledore sighed, "Severus you will no longer be able to continue your spying duties. I have found out from a reliable source that you have been found out. There is currently a price on your head. I am so sorry to be the one to bring this news to you, but I could not bear to lose you. You are like a son to me, and I know that you can help young Harry. Remember that he is not his father, he is but a child. A child with more than an adults burden to bear. Please, for me, help this child."  
  
Snape knew that if Dumbledore was pleading with him that he could not refuse him. Then what Albus said hit him, he was no longer a spy and wait, "did he say that he thought of me as his son?" He had always thought of Dumbledore as some kind of father figure, but he never thought that the feeling would be reciprocated.  
  
"Very well Albus, I will do as you ask. It is fortunate for me that no Death Eaters know of the existence of this house. It is more protected than Grimmauld place." With that said they walked back into the bedroom that Harry was in. 


	3. Snape Manor

A/N: I can't believe you people actually like my story. Well thanks for the reviews, keep them coming. remember this is my first fic, I am still learning what I am doing here.  
  
Chapter 3- Snape Manor  
  
There were a few very tense hours of waiting for one Harry Potter to wake. No one left his side, and they barely dared to speak. Finally they heard a whimper. Then there was a groan and finally his eyes started to flutter open.  
  
"Oh damn, that was one of the worst beatings yet." Harry thought to himself. As he opened his eyes he realized that this looked nothing like his cupboard and started to wonder if he was really dead. "Well, maybe the bastard finally did it. Wait, there's something moving over there, and it isn't white and oh the pain. I'm not dead, I wonder where I could be."  
  
Harry started realizing that there was someone watching him and he turned his head and managed to whisper, "Where am I?"  
  
"Shh Mr Potter, do not speak. You have been through a lot, and we have had to force feed a few potions to you. Your throat is going to be a bit sore. Here is some water, Severus will you help him sit up please?" Harry recognized the voice as Madame Pomfrey.  
  
Snape moved forward to help Harry sit up and heard him hiss in pain as Snape touched his back.  
  
"Poppy, I think another pain potion would be in order." Snape stated with a certain note of indifference.  
  
Harry greedily gulped down the water and then reached to the nightstand to fetch his glasses. As he put them on he looked around the room. He knew that he wasn't at the Dursley's, he wasn't in the hospital wing and he wasn't at Grimmauld place, so where was he? The room he was in was the bedroom part of a suite. He could see a door open to a sitting area and another door open to a bathroom. The bedroom was magnificent. He was in a king sized canopy bed with a navy blue down comforter. The hangings were a sky blue, but did not clash with the bedding. There was a fireplace on one wall, but it was too small to floo from. You could tell that it was used just for warmth and comfort. The carpet was an earthy beige color. There were many different pictures on the wall, but none of actual people. The whole room almost gave Harry a feeling of security.  
  
Poppy, Dumbledore and Snape watched as Harry surveyed the room.  
  
"I hope you like the room Harry, because it has been decided that this is where you will be staying for the rest of the summer." Dumbledore told Harry.  
  
"Please sir, where am I?" asked Harry.  
  
"Oh, how silly of me to forget. This is Proffessor Snapes' Manor. You will be staying with him for the rest of the summer. But for now, I think it is wise for you to go back to sleep and get some rest." Dumbledore stated.  
  
None of them missed the look of fear and dread on Harry's face at the prospect for staying with Snape all summer long. Dumbledore sighed as he stood up. "Harry, I will be back tomorrow to talk to you about a few matters that concern you. Rest up, for I fear tomorrow may be a hard day for you." With that he leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Harry's forhead and left the room. Madame Pomfrey gave Harry a dreamless sleep potion and took her leave as well. Only Snape remained, and Harry was lost in thought. No one had ever kissed him like a parent or grandparent. He just couldn't tell if he was still mad at the headmaster or not.  
  
Snape slid the potion forward, "Drink this, all will be explained in the morning. For now it is important that you rest and heal." Snape didn't really care how Harry was feeling. People thought that Snape was heartless, and in a sense they were right. He did have a heart, but it was burried under so much pain, hurt and despair that he forgot how to use it. He truly acted the part of a heartless bastard.  
  
Harry decided that he was too tired and had had too much happen to him today and that all that he wanted now was to sleep. He took the dreamless sleep potion, gulped it down and was asleep before his head touched the pillow. Snape stood and took the potion vial from Potter's hand. He quickly turned and left the room, but not before noticing that Potter looked incredibly child-like sleeping.  
  
----The next morning----  
  
Harry slowly started to wake. He really did not want to move, he was in a very comfortable bed and could not remember why. Then slowly the events of the day before came back to him and he almost groaned out loud. Snape had saved him. Snape had seen what his horrible relatives were like. Harry knew that there was no way that Snape would ever let him live this down. He could just hear it now, "Poor Harry Potter, can't even stand up to his muggle relatives, how pathetic can you get?" That's what Harry felt, pathetic, worthless. He just couldn't do anything right.  
  
As he was laying there thinking, Snape silently walked into the room and was observing him. He could tell that the boy hadn't noticed his entrance and decided it was time to change that. "So, Potter," Snape spat that name out with disgust, "do you want to come down for breakfast? Or shall I wait on you hand and foot?" You could tell that it wasn't really a question.  
  
"I'm really not very hungry sir." Harry replied. Anything to stay out of the man's presence.  
  
"Be that as it may, you will have to eat something, I will not allow you to waste away into nothing while you are here. Meals will be served at 8, 12, and 6. If you do not show up for a meal, I will come and find you. If I have to resort to finding you, you will be serving a detention and I promise that you will not like that. Now get up, the bathroom is through there. Weezy has laid out your clothes for you." With that Snape stalked out of the room.  
  
Harry, realizing that he had no choice gingerly got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. When he stepped in, he could not believe his eyes. This was the most magnificent bathroom he had ever been in, including the Prefects bathroom during his 4th year. The bathtub was huge and made out of white marble. There had to be at least 20 different taps with bubble bath and water in them. The tiles on the floor were a sparkling gold color, and the walls were a forest green color. Harry walked over and looked out the window. The grounds that he could see were huge. There wasn't a house around for miles and it even looked as though Snape had his own Quidditch Pitch. Harry turned on some of the different taps and when he stepped into the bath he decided that he never wanted to get out. His muscles had gone through so much, they were aching. He sat there for a bit and let them relax. Sighing, he realized that he needed to get out and head down for breakfast.  
  
Harry looked at the clothes that Weezy had laid out for him and thought that there must have been some kind of mistake. These weren't his clothes. Deciding he would worry about that later, he put on the robes that had been laid out for him. They were a navy blue color, they almost seemed black. When the sun shined on it, it almost seemed to shimmer. Realizing that he did not know his way around Snape's house, he decided to try calling the house elf. "Umm, Weezy?" Harry called out.  
  
"Yes Mister Potter sir? What can Weezy be doing for sir?" Weezy popped in out of nowhere.  
  
"Can you please lead me down to breakfast? I realized that I do not know my way around here." Harry asked very politely.  
  
"Yes sir, Weezy can do that. After sir has his breakfast, Weezy can give sir a tour if sir wants."  
  
"Weezy, you don't have to call me sir, you can just call me Harry." Harry stated.  
  
Weezy lead Harry past many marvelous looking rooms, but Harry barely had time to peak in before walking past. Finally they reached the dinning room. The table was big enough to seat 50 easily. There were two chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and the walls and floor were a beautiful wood. Snape was already seated at the head of the table and there was another place setting close to him. Harry moved forward and sat down at the only other place set. Snape looked up from his perusal of the Daily Prophet just as the meal was served. The food looked even better than the meals at Hogwarts, if that was possible. Harry slowly started to pick at his food.  
  
"The Headmaster will be stopping by at 10 to have his talk with you. While you are here there are a few rules that you will obey. First, if a room is locked, it is locked for a good reason, do not, I repeat, do not try to go into those rooms. My room is off limits. You will follow my rules or you will serve a detention. You will show me the proper amount of respect. We will be resuming Occlumency lessons, and I expect you to practice this time so as not to waste my time. Do not leave the Manor without my permission, even to just go out on the grounds. Do you understand?" Snape asked.  
  
"Yes sir. Sir, may I ask why it is you that I am staying with? What should I do when you are called to a meeting?" Harry asked tenatively.  
  
"I will not be called to any meetings, other than those of the Order. I have been found out, my spying days are over." Snape stated icily. "I am sure he found out about me through your mind though" Snape just thought the last part to himself.  
  
They ate the rest of the meal in silence. After the meal was over, Weezy took Harry on a tour of the Manor. He found the library and was astounded. Snape had more books than the whole of the Hogwarts library. Oh would Hermione be jealous if she knew what he had access to. At 10 o'clock Harry walked into the sitting room where he was told that Dumbledore would meet him. He took a seat on one of the couches with a book from the library propped on his knee. Snape had told him that he could use the library, but if he stole or damaged any of the books, he would wish he had never been born. The truth was, Harry already wished that. 


	4. Dumbledore's talk

Disclaimer- this is my last disclaimer, and it goes for the rest of the story. I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or anything. If I did, I would not be a poor, starving college student.  
  
A/N: Sorry this took me a little longer than I expected to get out. The muse has run away, and my friend has been in town staying with me. I could use a beta reader if someone would be so kind. Thank you so much for all of the kind reviews. I honestly did not expect to get this many or that people would actually like what I wrote. On with the story.  
  
Chapter 4- Dumbledore's talk a  
  
Harry was sitting by the fire waiting for the Headmaster. He was free of the bandages. Madame Pomfrey had stopped over earlier and taken them off. She warned him to take it easy and not over do himself. He was physically fine, but he was going to be sore.  
  
Unknown to Harry, Poppy also had a talk with Severus. "You need to be kind with him Severus, he is fragile right now. I fear for his emotional health. Do not let him withdraw into himself, if he does, we may never get him back. Watch him for signs of depression. Please try to make an effort to be kind to him."  
  
Snape just scowled at the mediwitch and said that he would try. He then strode off to his personal lab. Madame Pomfrey just sighed and went to the fireplace and left.  
  
The flames in the fireplace turned green and out stepped Dumbledore. Harry stood and extended his hand. Dumbledore took it, and then drew him into a hug. Harry was surprised to say the least. Harry had no recollection of being hugged as though by a grandfather. The feeling was comforting. Then Harry remembered whom he was hugging and stepped away.  
  
"Ah, it is so good to see you looking better my boy." Dumbledore stated happily. "Lemon drop?" he offered.  
  
"No thank you Headmaster. Before we begin sir, I want to apologize for what I did to your office. I have come to realize that we are all human and all allowed to make mistakes. After a lot of thought, I realize why you did not tell me of the prophecy earlier and I appreciate your concern over my well being. I want you to know that while I forgive you, I cannot bring myself to fully trust you. You have betrayed my trust. Sir, I want to know if there is a way to become emancipated? I am quite tired of people making all of my decisions for me." Harry stopped talking and waited for the Headmasters response.  
  
The Headmaster sighed, "I do believe that there is a way to become emancipated. While we are looking into this idea, please allow myself or Professor Snape to become your temporary guardian. I just want to help you right now Harry. You have gone through so much with the death of Sirius and everything else. I and Professor Snape agree that your Occlumency lessons with Professor Snape should be resumed. He has kindly agreed to teach you." Dumbledore was a little hesitant on the Occlumency lessons, they had not ended on good terms. Sure enough there was an explosion...  
  
"WHAT??? You expect me to take lessons with HIM? Oh no, I refuse to do that. I absolutely refuse." Harry was very unhappy to say the least.  
  
"Harry, I know that the two of you do not get along, but please it really is in your best interest to have lessons. I would give you lessons myself, but Severus is a better occlumens than myself. If you want to be able to keep Voldemort from your mind I am afraid the only one to help you is Professor Snape." By the end, Dumbledore was almost pleading with Harry.  
  
The two sat in silence while Harry contemplated his choices. He could take lessons with Snape and see if things got worse. He could forgo the lessons and allow Voldemort access to his mind and he could find out important information and possibly get someone else killed. Unfortunately it looked like he was going to have to put up with Snape's teaching.  
  
"Fine, I will take lessons with Snape, but on a few conditions." Harry stated. He was still fuming inside, but he knew what needed to be done.  
  
"Professor Snape Harry, and what are your conditions?" Dumbledore asked in his calm voice.  
  
"One, I want him to give his word that whatever he sees inside my mind will not be used to taunt me. If he uses it to taunt me in any way, I reserve the right to hex him into the next life." Harry waited for Dumbledore's response before moving on.  
  
"Hmm, that seems like a reasonable request, but let us bring Severus into this conversation so that he may respond for himself. Weezy, would you go fetch Severus please?" asked Dumbledore.  
  
"Oh yes sirs, Weezy will get Master sir, Weezy be right back." With that Weezy popped away only to return moments later with Professor Snape.  
  
"You wished to speak with me Albus?" Snape asked.  
  
"Yes Severus, I have been speaking to Harry about occlumency lessons and he has a few stipulations that I thought you should be here to agree upon for yourself." Dumbledore said with a smile. Dumbledore explained Harry's first set of conditions.  
  
"Fine, but I have a few of my own. No looking inside my pensieve, no questioning my methods and no snooping. Got it?" Snape sneered while looking at Harry.  
  
"Yes sir, I understand, but I was not finished with my conditions. I want you to listen to me when I tell you to stop. Do not probe my mind for whatever you feel like and for once in your life, act like a human." Harry did not care anymore if he was going to be reprimanded. If he was going to be forced to take lessons from the git, than he wanted to have a say in how they were going to go.  
  
"Fine, is there anything else you needed from me Albus?" When Dumbledore shook his head, Snape turned on his heal and was off.  
  
"Was there anything else you needed from me Headmaster? This has been a long day and I wish to return to somewhere where I am not hated." Harry was praying that he would not have to stay inside Snape's house. It was not as though the Manor was not nice, for it was beautiful. Harry could not believe that Snape lived in a house as friendly and inviting as this one was.  
  
"Alas Harry, there is more to talk about and for now I am sorry, but this is the safest place for you to be so I will have to ask you to stay here for the time being. But I also came to discuss the contents of Sirius's will. I know that this will be hard for you, but I must ask you to accompany me to the solicitors office on three days time. The will shall be read. Would you like me to have Mr Weasley and Ms Granger accompany you?" Dumbledore thought that Harry might appreciate the support of his friends, but the look on Harry's face quickly dispelled that notion.  
  
"Please sir, I am not ready to see them. I don't know if I can deal with all of this right now. Do I really need to go to the will reading?" Harry really did not want to go. This would prove to him that Sirius was really gone, and it was too much for Harry to handle.  
  
"Yes Harry, you need to be there to sign some documents. Severus will bring you and I will meet you outside of Gringotts." Dumbledore sighed as he stood up. It seemed that everything had to happen to Harry. Life wasn't fair, and Dumbledore wished that for once he could make this young man happy. He bid farewell to Harry and flooed back to his office. 


	5. Occlumency Lesson

A/N- thanks for all of the reviews, I really appreciate them. Keep them coming. I am updating as fast as I can get the chapters written. I'll try to update within a few days.  
  
Chapter 5- The Occlumency lesson  
  
Later that day, Snape sent Weezy up to the Library where Harry was reading one of the thousands of books that Snape owned.  
  
"Mister Harry, sir, master has sent Weezy to fetch young mister for misters lesson. Weezy is to show the young mister to the small sitting room where master is waiting." With that said Weezy started bouncing away and Harry had no choice but to follow. Soon they made it to the sitting room and Harry could see Snape extracting memories into his pensieve.  
  
"You ready Potter?" Snape spat the name out like it was a curse.  
  
"Yes sir, you do remember our agreement right?" Harry asked with disdain. He really, really did not want to be having a lesson with Snape.  
  
"Of course, that was only a few hours ago, do you think that I am as feeble minded as you are?" Snape was in a foul mood. His latest research was not going as he had planned it to. He really just wanted to get back to his lab to continue with his potions, but no he had to be here for precious Potter. So his uncle had beat him, big deal, he had been beaten as a child and he grew up just fine, right?  
  
"Let's just get started, sir." Harry stated wearily. He wanted to go back to his room or the library. Basically he wanted to be anywhere but where he was.  
  
Without a warning there it was, "Legillimens" Memories started flashing in front of Harry's eyes. Ripper was chasing him up a tree, Dudley was Harry- hunting, Aunt Marge was having a go at Harry's parents, that infernal belt was making it's way towards Harry's back. Then it changed a little, there was nothing, just blackness. The feelings that were associated with the memory was what threw Snape off. He felt anger, fear, self-loathing, and strangely, like he wanted something. It was after this memory that Harry found the strength to throw Snape out of his mind.  
  
"What was that last memory Potter?" Snape asked viciously.  
  
"It's none of your business, that's what it is." Harry retorted.  
  
"Fine, you did an abysmal job, try harder this time." Before Harry had a chance to prepare himself, the spell was thrown at him again. More memories from his time at the Dursley's spewed forth. Snape saw more beatings, more tauntings and felt Harry's feelings of general unworthiness of love. The last memory he saw was Harry's cousin entering his room. From the looks of things this had to have been this past summer. Harry became very frantic at the sight of the memory and shouted, "STOP!"  
  
Snape honored the deal and stopped pushing. He was very curious why Potter wouldn't want him to see this particular memory. It was probably just another beating, and he had seen many of Potter's beatings. When he looked down at the child, he saw him huddled on the floor with sweat dripping off his brow. Harry refused to meet Snape's eyes.  
  
"I do not think I can go on anymore Professor, may I please go?" Harry asked in a small voice.  
  
"Yes boy, get out of my sight. We will have another lesson tomorrow at the same time. Do not be late, do you hear me?" Snape did not miss the flinch when he spat the term boy. Snape was happy to be done with the lesson, he had a lot to contemplate at the moment.  
  
"Yes, sir, I will see you for dinner." With that Harry left the room and as soon as he was far away from the door, he started to run. He wanted to get as far as possible from that room. That last memory had gotten too close, his Professor had almost seen his darkest secret. So he ran, he ran up to the library and found a thick book to take his mind off of everything.  
  
Back down in the sitting room, Snape was sitting in a black leather chair by the fire sipping scotch. He was thinking about all of the memories and feelings he had extracted from Potter today. Some of the feelings were not hard to decipher at all. He obviously had a lot to fear. He feared Voldemort, he feared his uncle, he feared his cousin, but his cousin was a different type of fear. Snape couldn't place that type of fear, so he let it sit for awhile. There was obvious hate and anger for his family as a whole. The one feeling that did not sit well with Snape was the feeling that he was unworthy to be loved. That was a feeling he never thought that the famous Harry Potter would feel. Everyone loved him, he was the boy-who- lived. True, he hadn't grown up knowing that, but everyone feels that they should be loved right? "My mother even loved me" Snape thought.  
  
After everything that Snape had done, he still felt that he was worthy to be loved. He would never admit that to anyone, but he knew that he had atoned for all of his sins long ago. He would never stop fighting against the trap that he fell into. He decided that he would broach the subject at supper.  
  
While Harry was reading in the library, he fell asleep. He had not had much sleep as of late because of the nightmares that plagued his sleep. He dreamt that all of his friends died and they all blamed him. He woke up screaming from that dream and looking at the clock ran to his room. In his trunk under his robes was a knife. He had nicked it from breakfast one morning while being forced to cook for the Dursley's. It was nothing overly special, but it was a very sharp kitchen knife. He walked into his bathroom and rolled up his sleeve. He slowly and reverently pulled the knife against his upper arm. The blood started to slowly ooze out. He watched as it wove its way down his arm. Before it could drip onto the floor, he had a washcloth there to keep it from dripping. He slowly put two more lines on his arm and watched as they bled than slowed to a stop. Once the cuts had clotted, he cleaned up his arm and the knife and stowed the knife back in his trunk. When he looked at the clock, he realized that it was almost dinner time. He sighed and made his way down to dinner.  
  
When he reached the dinning room, he sat down in one of the oak chairs. He looked up and saw that Snape was staring directly at him. He swallowed and decided to ask, "Sir, I am really not hungry, may I please be excused from this meal?"  
  
Snape just sneered at him for a little bit, "you are too skinny as it is, you will sit here and eat even if I have to force feed you, and don't think that I won't. I will not have you starving yourself in my house, so eat."  
  
Harry just sighed and started to dish a small amount of food on his plate. While playing with his food he decided to ask a question that had been on his mind for awhile. "Sir, why am I staying with you instead of at Grimmauld place? Not that I really want to go back there, but I am curious."  
  
"There boy, you answered your own question. We figured that you would not want to go back to that dead mutts house. Molly Weasley is also there and the Headmaster thought that you might prefer to recover without her coddling. The other reasons is that this house is safer than Grimmauld place, and only slightly less safe than Hogwarts during the school year." At Harry's surprised look Snape went on, "There are many more wards on my Manor than at headquarters. Albus is my secret-keeper and no one else knows of this place's existence, with the exception of Madame Pomfrey. The Headmaster is starting to worry about the threat of spy's within the Order and so to keep you safe he has deemed my Manor the safest place for you. It also helps that we are currently in Scotland and the English Ministry of Magic has no say over what people do here, as such you are free to do magic." Just as Severus had finished his explanation an unexpected visitor walked in.  
  
"Ah, Good evening Severus, Harry." Dumbledore greeted both men. "I see Professor Snape has just informed you about why you are staying here for the duration of the summer. I hope that is acceptable with you my dear boy."  
  
As Dumbledore went to pat Harry's shoulder, neither Professor missed the flinch from Harry. Harry himself thought that he hid it fairly well, but alas, luck was not on his side. Snape sneered and Dumbledore decided to ignore it for the time being and talk to Severus later.  
  
"Do you mind if I join you for dinner? I did not realize that it was dinner time when I arrived. I merely came to inform Professor Snape of the movement of the Order." Dumbledore decided to answer Harry's unasked questions. "Professor Snape is unable to spy on Voldemort anymore, he has been found out. We are not sure how, but we were lucky to find out before he was called away again. While you are staying here we have decided not to have Professor Snape come to the Order meetings. Instead I will be filling him in on all the happenings."  
  
Harry just sat there in thought barely eating the food that he was playing with. As he stared off into space, Dumbledore gave Severus a significant look. Snape gave a slight sigh and barely shook his head. Throughout the rest of the meal Dumbledore did most of the talking with Severus and Harry barely responding. When Harry felt enough time had passed he asked, "May I please be excused sir?"  
  
"Yes, yes, I have important things to discuss with the Headmaster go now." Snape barely gave Harry a look. Harry nearly ran out of the room and up to his room.  
  
Dumbledore cast a few charms on the door to keep Harry from overhearing anything.  
  
"How is he faring Severus?"  
  
Snape gave a heavy sigh, "Not very well. All of his memories in our lesson were about being beaten or ridiculed in some manner. The strangest thing is that one of his memories was basically feelings, and the feeling that worries me the most is the feeling of being unworthy of love. That is not a normal feeling Albus. I know Deatheaters that have turned to the side of light and still felt worthy of being loved. I don't think that I am the right person to handle him. You should take him in, you could help him." As soon as he saw the Headmasters face he knew that he couldn't take him in.  
  
"I wish for nothing more than to be able to help him, but I have betrayed his trust and he will not trust me anytime soon. There is nothing that I can do for him right now." Dumbledore sighed sadly.  
  
"What do you expect me to do? I have been deemed a heartless bastard, how am I supposed to help him? I can barely help myself." Snape really did not want to be in this position. He did not want to deal with an emotional teenage boy.  
  
"Severus, you are his only chance now. Remember what I did for you, and help him the same way. Watch the warning signs, I fear we are close to losing him to himself. Severus, you are not heartless, you have a heart, it is just enclosed within a glacier, let some feelings melt that glacier." Dumbledore said with a wink.  
  
For the rest of the evening they chatted about what was going on in the Order and what they could do. When the evening drew to a close, Dumbledore took his leave with a "Goodbye, and Good luck." With that he was gone. 


	6. Breakdown

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up... lots of stuff happening...and writer's block... but without further ado...

Breakdown

A few days had passed since the initial Occlumency lesson. They had several more lessons, and Snape had extracted several more disturbing memories from the mind of Harry. Snape was brooding over some of the more disturbing memories when Harry came in for his daily Occlumency lesson. Every day was the same. Snape penetrated Harry's mind, extracted images and stopped when Harry asked him to. They did not appear to be getting anywhere, Harry was not getting better. Today appeared to be no different. Harry knocked at the door and Snape bid him enter.

"Good morning Professor Snape."

"Morning Potter."

They both sat for a little bit eyeing each other warily. Neither trusted the other, but to learn Occlumency there must be some level of trust to be productive. Harry sat down in the familiar leather chair.

"Today we are going to start out a little differently." Harry's head shot up in surprise. "You are not learning as fast as you should be, so I want you to start by examining all of your emotions closely and finding the memories associated with these emotions. It is only by knowing your own mind will you be able to block others out." Harry was surprised by civil tone that Snape was using. "I will be back in an hour, use your time wisely." With that Snape got up and went to his potions lab to work on a simple potion for Madame Pomfrey.

Harry sat in silence shocked at what he was being asked to do. He didn't want to look at his memories, he wanted to forget all about them, repress them. He knew that was not a healthy way of dealing with things, but he really didn't care. He had given up on hope, given up on love, given up on life. So he sat for about 15 minutes before deciding to look at some of his memories. He decided to look at the shortest list first, feelings of love. His first memory was of Mrs. Weasley. She had always treated him like a son; she had sent him a Christmas present before she even knew him. After thoughts of Mrs. Weasley came thoughts of Sirius and with those thoughts came silent tears. Feelings of worthlessness, pain and sorrow came unbidden with these memories. His thoughts lingered on Sirius for the remainder of his time.

When Snape came in he noticed the tear stains on Harry's cheeks but refrained from saying anything. He cleared his throat to announce his presence to Harry. Harry hastily wiped his eyes with his sleeves.

"I hope that your time was used wisely. I will give you a minute to clear your mind and then we will start." If Harry noticed the gentler voice from Snape, he did not acknowledge it.

Harry took in a deep breath, closed his eyes and slowly let the breath out. "I'm ready sir."

Snape looked into Harry's eyes and quietly said the spell. Instantly memories started to flash in front of his mind. Snape could feel the pain, the fear and the self-loathing. The memories started with Sirius falling through the veil and moving on into the summer. He saw memories of Harry's uncle beating him, he saw his cousin throwing him down the stairs and his aunt hitting him in the head with a frying pan. Then the last memory was of his cousin coming into his room and tying him to his bed in a spread eagle on his stomach. The worst part was that Harry was naked.

"STOP! Get out of my mind, please leave me be." Harry screamed out. It was obvious what happened in that last memory.

"Harry did your cousin rape you?" Snape asked quietly.

"Sir, please, I am not feeling well, may I please go to my room." Harry thought that he was going to be sick.

Snape was going to have none of it though. "No, you can not leave yet. You need to talk about these memories or you will never get past them."

"Please, I do not want to talk about this, please let me go to my room, please?" Harry was so distraught that he was begging. This was the one secret that he wanted to keep as that, a secret. Now his most hated professor knew and probably thought that it was his fault, that he had asked for it, and why not? Everything was his fault.

Harry decided that he didn't care if he was excused or not, he was not staying in that room any longer. He quickly got out of his chair and ran to the door, but when he got there the door would not budge. It had been locked. Harry started to panic. After the summer he had had, he could not stand to be locked in a room.

Snape noticed that Harry was panicking and that he had started to hyperventilate. He realized what he had done by locking the door.

"Harry listen to me" Snape commanded, "Stop panicking and take a deep breath, now let it out slowly. I am going to unlock the door, but I want you to promise not to run away, do you promise?" Harry nodded his head quickly. Snape unlocked and opened the door. Harry slowly started to relax; tears were still running down his face.

"I know this is hard Harry, but I really need to know what happened this summer. You are not able to deal with it on your own, and I have experience dealing with these kinds of issues. I need you to trust me and to talk to me. Can you do this?" Snape said all of this in a soothing tone of voice.

"I-I don't know if I can Professor." Harry admitted quietly. Realization dawned on him, "You called me by my first name."

Snape smiled his first true smile in a long time. "Yes, I suppose I did. How about you come back and have a seat and we can talk about some things for a bit?"

Harry slowly made his way back to his chair and sunk into it. "Will you leave the door open please?" He asked in a small voice.

"Yes, but I need you to promise that you will not continue to run away."

Harry sighed, "alright, but I can't guarantee that I will talk."

"Fair enough. Harry can you tell me about that last memory? The one with your cousin in it."

"This past year my cousin came to the realization that he was gay. He didn't want to come out of the closet, so to speak, but he wanted some 'action'. He decided that I was just right for that and assumed that because I am a wizard that I must be gay. Don't ask me how he came to that conclusion, but he did. My uncle finally caught him, and I thought that I would finally be free, but my uncle blamed me. He said that I was the one that caused my cousin to act this way and that I must have jinxed him or something. It caused him to give me one of the worst beatings in my life." Harry was talking very softly, almost in a whisper. If it hadn't been for Snape's years as a spy he wouldn't have been able to understand a thing.

"You know that we can press charges on your cousin and Uncle Harry." Snape didn't get much farther than this before Harry broke in.

"NO! I can't do that; it would be all over the front page of the Daily Prophet. Boy-Who-Lived beaten and raped by his family. I can't sir, I can't, I can't." Harry had started to pace but by the end had crumpled to his knees sobbing two words, I can't. This tugged on Snape's heart and he could feel the ice around it starting to melt for the boy-who-carried-the-world. Snape did something he never thought he would do. He walked over to where Harry was, sat down, pulled Harry onto his lap and circled his arms around him comforting him.

"Shh Harry, it will all work out in time." Snape was rocking back and forth by now.

"IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK OUT! I can't do this anymore; I don't want to be Harry bloody Potter anymore. I don't want to be the one destined to vanquish Voldemort, hell; I don't even want to live anymore. I just want to give up." Harry tried to leave Snape's embrace, but he just held tight and kept rocking. The tears continued to fall down Harry's face and ice around Snape's heart continued to melt.

"Harry, I know this hard. Right now your life is not going well. But let me help."

"How? How can you help? How can anyone help? No one can help me anymore; I don't even know that I want to be helped." Harry said the last part so quietly that Snape almost didn't catch it.

"Let me help by talking, by letting me be here for you. I know that I have been a horrible person, and I am sorry Harry. Truly I am, I could not see past the image of your father, but I do now. I see you. I don't see Harry Potter, boy-who-lived, I see Harry a boy going through life in pain. There is pain that I have contributed and I wish I could take back everything I said, I do. But, there is no way to change the past, but we can move forward." Snape continued rocking without saying anything, just letting Harry cry. Eventually he realized that Harry had cried himself to sleep clutching his robes. He gave a small smiled and picked up the small man and brought him to his room. Snape laid him on his bed and tucked him in like a small child; Harry curled up on his side and gave a content sigh in his sleep. Snape brushed the hair off of his face and said, "Sleep well Harry, we are moving forward." With that he left room.


	7. The Day After

A/N: Sorry for the delay in the update! I have been going to school and taking 16 credits while working around 30 hrs/week. So I have not had a lot of time. Thank you to all of my reviewers!

The Day After

Harry managed to sleep all through the night to the next morning. When he awoke he wondered what he was doing sleeping in his clothes, then all of the memories from the day before came back to him. "Oh no, what is he going to think of me now?" he asked himself. He decided to get up and take a shower then head down to breakfast. When he went down to breakfast he saw that Professor Snape was already there.

"Good morning Professor Snape" Harry said timidly.

Snape gave him a smile and said, "Good morning Harry. Please while we are alone, please call me Severus. I feel that we are closer than a student and teacher."

Harry gave him a smile in return. As he sat eating his breakfast he realized that he was feeling better after having talked to Pro-Severus about his memories. Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad relationship. Snape noticed that Harry seemed to be in a better mood and was eating more than he had any other morning. This prompted his morning conversation with Harry.

"So, how are you feeling this morning Harry?"

Harry looked up from his meal with a smile. "Honestly, I feel much better after talking about last night. I don't know why, but I feel more comfortable around you than I ever have before."

"Well, I am certainly glad to hear that. My door is always open if you need to talk, that also applies once we return to school."

Harry looked shocked at this statement, "But sir, your Slytherins, surely they will report you to their parents."

"Yes, I am sure they will. But it will do no good, I am no longer considered a follower, I am now branded as a traitor. Hmm, I might have to take a leaf out of Moody's book and start drinking from a flask." After he said this he did something very out of character, he winked at Harry. Harry's mouth dropped open in shock.

"Pro-Severerus, I think you just made a joke!" He exclaimed. This prompted Snape to laugh. Harry just shook his head in astonishment. "This must just be a weird dream" he muttered. This prompted Snape to laugh even more.

Unkown to them a visitor had entered and was watching the exchange in a mixture of amazement and amusement. He decided to make his prescence known. "Good morning Harry, Severus." The Headmaster said with an extra twinkle in his eye. "It seems that the two of you are getting along well."

"yes sir, I would say that we are. Especially since we have not killed each other." Severus said not trying to mask his sarcasm. This caused Albus to smile and Harry to snort in amusement.

Dumbledore came and sat down at the table. "Harry, you more than most know there is a war coming, and we need you. This is why I want you to be taught something new."

Harry just look at the Headmaster wondering what he was trying to tell him. After sitting for sometime without anyone saying anything Harry decided to breach the silence. "What am I going to be taught? Swords, knives, wandless magic?"

"All very good suggestions and you will learn those in due time, for now I want Severus to teach you how to become an animagus." Dumbledore smiled at his announcement.

Harry just look gobsmacked. "I get to become an animagus?" He was shocked beyond all belief. Every since he found out about anamagi he had wanted to learn how to become one, but he never knew if he really could.

"Yes, Severus here is an animagus himself. Come now Severus, will you show us your animal?" Albus asked in a tone that was closer to commanding, but Severus sighed and shifted into...

..."How fitting, You're a falcon." Harry said in amazement.

"Yes, he is a rather beautiful falcon, isn't he?" The Headmaster asked. "Now Harry, would you like to find your form? The animal chooses you afterall."

"YES! What do I have to do?" asked Harry.

"You stand there, I will cast the spell on you and then you will go into a trance and the animal will come to you. You will wake up on your own when you have found your animal. If you do not go into a trance, than you do not have an animagus form." With that said the Headmaster leveled his wand at Harry and chanted the spell.

Within seconds of the spell hitting Harry, he was in a trance. The two adults started to chat quietly while Harry was finding his animal.

The moment the spell hit Harry knew he was going into a trance. Everything else in his vision faded away. It was like he was sitting in nothingness. There was black all around him, it felt like he was sitting on a floor, but he could see nothing. All of a sudden a bright light flared and he could see animals start to go past him. A few stopped to sniff him and eventually a wolf sat down next to him. It was a beautiful wolf with shinny black fur and emerald eyes. Faintly you could see a brown lightning bolt on its head. "I'm going to be a wolf." He thought, "I guess I can wake up now." But he didn't wake up. Animals continued to file past him and a few more sat down, the last animal to come up to him was a magnificent phoenix. This was different than all the other animals, while they were black this phoenix was white. He was such a bright white it was almost blinding just to look at and on its head was a gold lightning bolt. The eyes stood out while one was emerald green the other was as dark as onyx. With one last look at the phoenix Harry blinked and realized that he had awoken from his trance.

"Well Harry, did you meet your animal?" Severus asked.

"Yeah, I met them. But is it common to have more than one animagus form?" Harry asked. As soon as he asked he got his answer because both Severus and Dumbledore had their mouth hanging open in shock.

"Harry, no one has ever had more than one animagus form, just like no one has had a magical creature for their form." Dumbledore stated calmly.

"Oh, well, I guess that makes me twice as special huh?" Harry was trying very hard to stay calm. But he really hated to be different from other people. He finally just sighed and shook his head, "Am I ever going to be normal?"

"Sorry Harry, but I doubt you will ever be what you term normal." Albus said with a smile. "Now can you tell us about your forms?"

So Harry proceeded to tell them that he was a Wolf, a black panther, a hawk, a cobra and a phoenix. When he got to the phoenix the headmaster stopped him right after he said that he was white. "Are you sure that you were white Harry?" Dumbledore asked, starting to get excited.

"It was kind of hard to miss, I was almost blinded by how white it was, and it had a gold lightning bolt on its forhead." Harry couldn't believe that the headmaster would ask such a question.

"I am sorry for the seemingly stupid question Harry, I only ask because there was a prophecy made about Merlin's heir long ago. It stated that the heir would fly upon white phoenix wings and bring peace to the darkened land. Many people have tried to claim to being Merlin's heir as there is a lot of money that would be inherited with it, but no one from the true line has come forward. Severus, can you brew a potion that would tell us Harry's lineage?" Dumbledore was getting himself worked up. If Harry was Merlin's heir than there was no way they would not win this war against Voldemort.

"I will get right on it, it should be ready by dinner." With that Severus stood up and walked to his private potions lab to begin the brewing.

Dumbledore headed back to the school to finish up some paperwork with the promise that he would be back for dinner. Harry wandered around aimlessly thinking about all that had occured to him. In the span of two weeks he had been beaten, rescued by his least favorite professor, had a breakdown, found that he had 5 different animagus forms and found out that he might be Merlin's heir. He honestly didn't know if he could handle anymore. Finally he laid down to take a nap. His head was hurting from thinking too hard.

That night everyone ate dinner silently. They were all wrapped up in their own thoughts. When the last remnants of dinner was taken away Severus sighed and took out the potion. "The potion is done, it just needs three drops of your blood Harry." He handed Harry a small knife. Without hesitation Harry cut the tip of his finger and watched as three drops fell into the potion turning it an emerald green to match his eyes.

They poured the potion onto two pieces of paper one with Potter written at the top and the other with Evans written at the top. "Sir, why are we following my mom's line? We know that she was muggle born."

"It never hurts to check Harry." With that they all took a look at the lines forming on the parchment with Potter written at the top. When all of the writing was finished they saw that Harry was related to many people through distant relations. Among them were the Blacks, Snapes, Delacours, and Weasleys. He was very thankful not to be related to Malfoy in anyway. At the top the founder of the Potter line was none other than Godric Gryffindor.

"Well sir, I didn't know that I came from Gryffindor's line, but it looks like I do not have Merlin's blood in me afterall." Harry was secretly relieved that he would not be any more different.

"Do not jump to conclusions yet Harry, we still have your mother's line to look at." Harry just shrugged and grabbed the parchment from where it was sitting. He followed it back and there on the top was Merlin himself. Harry almost fainted. When the two adults noticed that Harry paled at the sight of the top line they took the parchment and looked for themselves. They could hardly believe that Harry was heir to both Gryffindor and Merlin.

"Harry, I think it would be a good idea if you took a dreamless sleep potion tonight. This has been a long day and I think that you could really use the sleep tonight." Harry took the offered potion without saying a thing and silently walked to his room, took the potion and fell asleep.


End file.
